


Future Tense

by LizzyPaul



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Amnesia, F/F, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-28
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:26:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyPaul/pseuds/LizzyPaul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps she couldn’t change the past, but Anthy intended to fix the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Future Tense

The deli was dimly lit, and Greek.

Anthy’s hair was starting to tangle from the heat and sweat of Los Angeles in full summer. She pulled it into a knot, off her neck, and went inside. The deli was full, customers crowding around the counters and talking loudly with the employees, some scattered at the small tables that were arranged haphazardly around the small building.

She picked off the menu at random, something she could pronounce. Shortly, she had a plate and a glass of water, and looked around for a place to sit.

And that’s when she spotted her.

Her face was turned away, but even after ten years and thousands of miles, Anthy would have recognized Utena Tenjou anywhere, from the strong lines of neck to hair that shone like a beacon even in the badly lit shop. Anthy was shocked still for a moment, before starting to walk towards her. 

Utena was, indeed, in the last place Anthy had thought to look, as Anthy had always suspected would be the case.

Anthy was no stranger to the mystical, of course, and always believed a systematic approach to finding her long-lost friend would be futile. That hadn’t stopped her from attempting one. After three years, she began to pick locations at random, trusting fate to bring them together again. Several times she’d tried deliberately _not_ looking for Utena, hoping she could somehow trick the world into giving back her friend, hoping to stumble upon her like...well, she was doing now.

It seemed deeply fitting that the first time Anthy stopped really searching, choosing a location only because she wanted to sightsee, because she wanted a break (her first in ten years), she would find Utena in a small, hole-in-the-wall deli she’d stepped into purely on impulse. 

“Can I help you?” Utena asked, having noticed Anthy staring. Her voice instantly put to rest any doubts that it was really Utena and Anthy almost cried in relief. 

Utena had spoken in English, and Anthy responded in kind. “May I sit down?” she asked. Utena looked surprised, then pleased, and gestured to the chair in front of her. 

“Utena Tenjou,” she said, holding out a hand.

Anthy squeezed her hand gently and had to force herself to release it. “Anthy Himemiya,” she said. Then, “Do you speak Japanese?” she asked in that language.

Utena smiled. “Yes,” she responded in kind. “How did you know?”

Anthy wasn’t sure how to answer that. “You look it,” she said finally.

“You don’t,” Utena said.

Anthy stared, her heart overflowing with a million things to say, none of them appropriate. It was clear this Utena didn’t know who Anthy was, or even who she herself was. But she had to say _something_ ; Utena’s pleasant smile was becoming strained. “Do you come here often?” she asked.

Utena laughed, the tinkling sound making Anthy's chest constrain with need. “You don’t do this a lot, do you,” she said. 

“Do what?” Anthy asked. 

“Pick up girls,” Utena answerd.

 _Is that what I was doing_? Anthy thought. “No,” she answered honestly.

Utena smiled at her again, and Anthy’s stomach rolled over. Then Utena looked at her watch, and gasped in dismay. “Oh no!” she exclaimed. “I’m late for work!” She started to get out of her chair.

Anthy rose as well, terrified of losing Utena so soon after finding her. Utena looked up from wrapping up her half-eaten sandwich. “To answer your question,” she said, “I come here a lot. For instance...tomorrow at twelve?”

“I’ll be here,” Anthy promised. She was treated to one of Utena’s smiles, before the other woman turned and left. Anthy let her leave because it was the only thing she could do.

***

In the last few years, Anthy had become adept at quickly finding temporary work and lodging. So she focused on that to keep from worrying about her second meeting with Utena.

There was nothing to worry about, however. Utena showed up, a little late, and though she didn’t seem to remember Anthy, or their history, she was still _Utena_. She was an easy conversationalist, and Anthy basked in her voice. Utena seemed willing to take Anthy’s wonder as shyness. 

Three more dates—and that’s what they were, Anthy soon realized—led to dinner out. That dinner led to another, which led to an invitation back to Utena’s house. It wasn’t until Anthy stepped over the threshold that she realized what Utena was expecting.

They had kissed, a few times. Wonderful, thrilling kisses that scared and amazed Anthy. They were nothing like the girlhood kisses of years ago...Utena had lost the innocence, and the fear. It made Anthy jealous, almost furiously so, to realize that others had touched her Utena. Somehow, when she was only sharing with her brother, it hadn’t seemed so bad. Now she wanted to keep Utena locked up with her and never let her go. But that way led to pain, and madness.

She knew.

They kissed in the hallway. They kissed in the doorway to Utena’s room. They kissed on the edge of the bed. And then Utena slipped her hands under Anthy’s shirt. Anthy shivered violently. “Sorry, my hands are cold,” Utena muttered between more kisses, but Anthy knew that didn’t have anything to do with it. Utena grabbed the hem of her blouse and looked for permission. Anthy helped her get it off, and Utena ran her hands up and down Anthy’s back, fingers poking under the bra.

“I love you,” Anthy whispered, and Utena giggled. 

But then she said, “Yeah, me too,” and pulled off her own shirt, so it was okay. 

Utena wasn’t wearing a bra, just a tight undershirt, and that was quickly pulled away. Anthy cupped her small breasts in her hands, worshiped them with her tongue, and Utena gasped. “Virgin..thing...was just an act, huh?” she said, haltingly, clutching at the edge of the bedspread.

Anthy rather liked that Utena thought of her as virgin. She hadn’t felt like a virgin in a very long time. But she was, almost; there had been no one since Utena, since Akio, and it was very much like being born into a new life. “You inspire me,” Anthy said.

Utena pulled away and made short work of the rest of their clothes. It was the same: the same spot on the back of her neck that made her whimper, the same arch of her back when she ran fingers lightly down her sides, the same moans when she slipped her tongue deep into moist depths. It was different: Utena was comfortable having Anthy take the lead, she didn’t stop every five minutes to worry if what they were doing was wrong, there wasn’t the hurt-anger-confusion-betrayal-guilt of the last couple times they’d made love. It was new, and old, and everything Anthy had ever wanted. 

It was like being reborn.

***

It wasn’t long before Anthy moved into Utena’s small apartment, happily letting go of the dump she’d been renting by the week. She kept the job, because she wanted to be useful and contribute, and because she needed something to do during the day. 

It was amazing, starting fresh, being deeply, irrevocably in love, the feeling of rightness that can only come from experience, but with the new, exciting bliss of a beginning romance. Anthy waited anxiously for whatever was coming, because she knew it was impossible for her to feel that happy for long.

There were challenges, of course, because nothing good is every easy. Anthy had to fight every day to keep from stifling Utena. She hated the thought of her leaving, hated when she was out of her sight. She hated when Utena went out with friends, alone because some in her crowd thought Anthy was “creepy” and Anthy felt no need to change their opinion. She was only able to let Utena go because she realized that if she tried to keep her, she would lose her forever. 

She had to fight to avoid slipping into old routines. While Utena was still _Utena_ , she still showed no memory of the time before. 

One night, Anthy caressed the raised scar tissue on Utena’s stomach. “Appendicitis,” Utena said.

Anthy said nothing, just stroked the matching scar tissue on Utena’s back and tried not to cry.

There was a pause, and Utena said, “Actually, I don’t know where that’s from. I...I don’t have a lot of memory, before ten years ago. It’s all kind of...muddled. The psychiatrist I saw thought it was post traumatic stress disorder something.”

Anthy gathered her in her arms and pressed kiss after kiss to Utena’s lips. “I love you,” she said, almost desperate. For the thousandth time, she wondered if it was time to tell Utena the truth, and for the thousandth time, she pushed the thought aside. 

There was nothing she could do to fix their past, but Anthy would do everything in her power to change their future. 

***

“Do I know you from somewhere?” Utena asked one evening, as they were lying in bed, gently cuddling. “From before, I mean.”

Anthy skimmed her fingers up and down Utena’s smooth, pale skin. She thought of the look on Utena’s face when she discovered the truth about Anthy’s relationship with her brother. She thought about Utena’s gasp when she plunged the sword deep inside her body. She thought about the love between them now: deep, but uncomplicated by jealousy, fear, or pain.

“No,” she said.

Utena’s eyes closed and she surged forward, blindly seeking Anthy’s lips. “It scares me how much I love you,” she murmered.

“Perhaps,” Anthy said, turning in Utena’s arms so that the other woman was cradling her. She rested her head on Utena’s chest, over the heartbeat. She felt safe. “Perhaps we knew each other in a past life. Perhaps we are lovers who can never be separated. Perhaps it’s our destiny to always meet and always find love with one another.”

Anthy felt the warm press of Utena’s lips on her temple. “I like that idea,” Utena said.

It was _almost_ the truth. She pushed down the rising guilt.

“Me too,” Anthy answered.


End file.
